Miz S

Solve for x? I got your x for you right here.

Please notice that I always write my answer in pink.

I signed up to take a math class for teachers this summer. It was billed as a class for elementary teachers to review algebra concepts and learn new teaching strategies to take back into the classroom in August. NOT TRUE. LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE. It is a full-on algebra class where we are covering 2 semesters of algebra content in 8 days.

Thank goodness I'm a genius otherwise it might be hard learning a YEAR'S worth of algebra in EIGHT FREAKING DAYS.

I'm kidding. I'm not a genius. Honestly, I'm not even that smart. But I'm SUPAH SEX-AY!

Ha. No.

Let x stand for the number of instructional days in a school year. Let 8 stand for the eight days I have to live through this class. X/8 = 22.  When I solve for x I find that we are covering 22 days of instruction per day of the stupid class.

When do you suppose I last laid eyes on an algebra book? Let x stand for how old I was in 8th grade. Let y stand for my age now. Let's see, y-x = many, many years.

I'm exaggerating just a little. After all, I did take math in college when I was getting my teaching degree and that was only about 15 years ago. But you get my point.

I don't have a math phobia or anything. Math is alright. I'm just not very fast at it. I painstakingly copy down the equation, carefully subtract and divide to isolate some goddamned variable or another, make sure I don't forget to flip that inequality symbol when I divide by a negative number (ha, just learned that yesterday), and always, ALWAYS check my work.

I am the slowest person in the class.  I haaaaaaate being the slowest person in the class.

Dudes, I have to present a lesson on polynomials next week. Polynomials. From the Greek, "poly," meaning "many" and "nomials" meaning "pains in my ass."

Why, God? Why did they lie to me? I thought I would be playing with math manipulatives all week and creating math games for my little first graders. Instead I'm finding the slope and the y-intercept and the absolute value and God only knows what else. And I'm doing it all at a snail's pace. 

Adding insult to injury, when I was looking at my school district's website for lesson plans and such, I found a flipchart created by a teacher and generously uploaded to the website so that we can all use it to review counting and at the same time expose our English language learners to an idiom about counting SHEEPS. AUUUUGHH!!

For the love of God. How will the children learn to speak English properly if the teachers are unclear on the concept?

I feel super defensive when I hear people say that teachers are "dumb," but JESUS, teachers are dumb.  Oh, and check it out. I just found another mistake when I was glaring at the picture. See if you can find it.

I weep for our youth.

Wouldn't it be funny if there were some glaring spelling or grammar error in this post that would cause my myriad* fans to mock me in the comments section?

*SAT vocabulary word, fyi.

Midnight

Sunrise on the way to work the other morning.

I would normally be getting my beauty rest at this hour but I came home from work today with a sore throat and a headache, so I lay down for a delicious two hour nap. I am now paying the price. I did try to go to bed at 10:30 and lie there squinching my eyes shut but that never really works, does it? I tried to get conversational with Josh in bed but he suggested that I should rest my voice. I have relocated to the living room couch for a little quality time with the cats and my laptop to see if I can get sleepy.

Our Christmas tree is up and decorated, but it looks a little odd. Sasha had to remove all the ornaments from the bottom third of the tree because Nash keeps batting them off and then playing soccer with them.  He's a cute bad kitty.

I am feeling rather friendly and holiday-ish, despite the pending viral infection. I wrapped a few presents tonight and wrote out a bunch of Christmas cards for friends at work. I hate the whole gift exchange concept at work. I never know who I should get stuff for and it's all very awkward. So I usually just don't get anything for anyone. I am hoping that heartfelt holiday messages will be enough.

Maybe tomorrow I will have time to clean up here at the house. One of my complaints about Christmas is the disruption of routine and order. As I survey my living room, I feel a little hemmed in by the flotsam and jetsam. There are boxes of Christmas ornaments that haven't been put away yet, stacks of extra strings of lights that were purchased but are just sitting on the counter, rolls of wrapping paper, extra extension cords, tape, yardsticks, giftboxes, etc. Everything is all discombobulated.

So, yeah, tomorrow is the cleaning up day.

I'm not doing all that baking and crafty stuff that some of you seem to enjoy. I mean, it looks fun and all, and I used to do stuff like that when my kids were little and I didn't have a stupid full-time job, but now it's all I can manage to make dinner and do a load of laundry. So, no loaves of cranberry bread for the neighbors. No little felt animals or strings of popcorn or gingerbread cookies.

Tomorrow at work I will finish up my reading assessments. I will have lunch with the small brother and some other boys from my class last year. I will go see Amanda after work to bring her a present. I will clean up my living room. On Friday I might make gingerbread houses with my class. I said I might. Only if they do not get on my nerves tomorrow. And the chance that they will not get on my delicate nerves tomorrow is slim to non-existent, based on the way that they behaved yesterday and today. They are just a tad over-excited about Christmas.

Me? I'm surprisingly calm, cool, and collected.