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March 17, 2012



Mary, I just wanted to jump in the car, run over to your Mom's to give her a hug and listen to her story. There is such healing power in telling her loss story to anyone who will really listen. Even though her story is a *version*, it is hers for as long as she needs it.


Thinking of you....

the bee

We need to take your mom to lunch. I think she is adorable. It would be fun and I know she would love it. I will even do an outdoor cafe so we have something to look at. You all are amazing and along w/ Pam, Samelia, and Eleni you gave your dad so many happy and quality years. Not many parents are this lucky. Your mom has lost her best friend. I cannot imagine. You all lost an amazing dad and grandad and in-law. All of it hurts. I wish I could fix that. Sending the love... xxxx000- bee

Cathy S.

Ahh. I am so sorry and am praying for you. My mom had surgery just before I left for Guatemala (knee replacement) and it was harder than she thought. She had to go to rehab and my dad was lost without her being home. She finally cried and pitched a fit so they let her go home. My mom is not a fit pitcher. Ever. I can only imagine your pain right now. Take comfort in all the good you did for him.


You write about this stage of life better than anyone. I can't even. Love to you and the fam xoxo


I got chokey, I got teary, I did a sob, I filed away information, I got a foresight, and I admired your daughters' haircuts. So...good post, and sad.

Toni Miller

Tears and prayers for you and your family Mary. Even though you don't know me I have been reading since Amanda in 2007. You have touched my heart in many ways through the years. God Bless!


Your dad had a huge impact on others which is wonderful for you to know. I remember folks telling me little stories or insights about my dad at his funeral and it was so very comforting to hear them. Your mom and dad went through so much together and for so very long that it is no wonder she is devastated. My mom still grieves and it has been 9 years since my dad has been gone. I don't think a day goes by that she doesn't mention him. A lifetime of love stays in the heart forever.

My prayers for your mom as well as to you and your family.


Honestly, I can't imagine either one of my parents without the other. It will be hard, hard, hard. What lovely photos and what a terrible and yet beautiful journey you have had with all of this. Sending you much love!!


Your Mom must be so lost and confused. I can't imagine how you are able to deal with this. Your brothers and sisters (even the skinny one - LOL) must be your source of strength. And that's a great thing to have right now.

PS: I too have a sister who is thin, blonde and looks half her age. Thank god I love her or I'd have to hurt her.


Such a bitter sweet post.

Thinking of you so much at this time.

Lovely to see the girls so happy (and gorgeous!)



You are not alone. My cousin's wife just went through the same thing. Mother has Alzheimers, Dad kinda shakey, fell got a subdural hematoma and died. Mom doesn't understand, what happened. Total confusion, looking for her dear husband.

Glad you have loving caregivers. It is so important.

liz michalski

You have a lovely family, Mary. My thoughts are with you and with them.


Your mother? I was going to say, "bless her dear sweet confused heart" but then I realized it's not her heart that is confused. So, bless her sweet heart.

I'm sitting here considering what I would trade to be as slim as your sister. And as to your last post?

“A casket is like a church: none will get you into heaven, none will keep you out. It is not about the accessories. Do the essentials right, and the rest will take care of itself.” (thomas lynch)


Relationships with our mom's can be the most challenging and the most heartbreaking.

If you want, I'll wrestle your sister to the ground and force feed her cake and cheeseburgers. It's the least I can do.

Liza Lee Miller

Sigh. Thinking of all of you.


Oh this is so hard for everyone. My heart hurts for your mom and your family.


The passage of time is a wondrous healer. Too bad it takes its #^@*& sweet time in the meantime, but it'll happen...


Aww, your cute little Mom. My MIL died, suddenly, in November and my FIL has Alzheimers. After her death he had to be placed in a locked Alzheimer's unit at a local nursing home. He kept going out to look for her. Wouldn't listen to any of us that she had died. He would look at us as if to say "You don't know what you're talking about" and would then say "She'll be home from the hospital today." Very, very sad and frustrating. Now, he is getting accustomed to his room and schedule at the home, but when any of us go to visit (there is someone there 2-3 times/week) he asks if we've been to his house and have we seen his Mrs.? So frustrating. He is 90 and is in perfect health except for his brain. My sister-in-law has his room at the nursing home all decorated and it looks very much like home (bedspread, lamp, end table, TV, pictures, decorations all from home) but he tells us that "none of this is his, some girl brought it all and gave it to him". Sometimes he knows who we are, other times he asks dozens of time who we are and where we live. So sad. Whew, sorry this is so long and please excuse my poor punctuation! Keeping you family in my thoughts.


She IS impossibly thin for 52.

I spent Saturday at the funeral for the mother of my high school sweetheart. Her daughter and I parted ways in 10th grade, but remained friends and her mother was very nice to this long haired hippie motorcycle riding kid from across the tracks ... pause for a breath ... even though I wasn't the usual country club suitor they were used to.

After the funeral, 3 of us from the class of '76 sat on the dock bar at the Conch House, drank a beer, talked about her Mom, our teenage misadventures and generally laughed our asses off. I think that was such a good thing for my friend ...good medicine for a heart broken by the loss of her mom.

The next day, I worked in my Mom's yard all day long as she gave this or that direction.
I felt very lucky to be there.
I hope you are getting some laughs in among the sorrow.
Thinking of you and your whole crew.


I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be so stressful to have a grieving lonely FIL and a grieving lonely mother.

robin andrea

I can't imagine grief tangled with alzheimers. Such a sad combination of sorrows.

I say, "A friend I know from the blogging world, who I'm also friends with on Facebooks, says..." It's a long intro, but it works!


This is such a sweet post. I am thinking of all of you. And I have an impossibly slim 53-year-old sister. Self Control, I remember her.


Beautiful photos and touching prose! Prayers for you and yours, Mary!


Just checking in to see how everyone is doing today. Taking care of two elderly parents can be very hard. But you have two weddings to think about and hopefully that will balance it all out. Hopefully. Take care.

Beth Ann

Checking in to see about you and your family. This time of life indeed has its challenges, as you are learning first hand. I'm sorry people have to find out how hard it is to deal with ill and grieving parents...but what else to do? We just have to send good thoughts and kind wishes and hopes for better days. I hope you have some moments of joy and happiness this week, however fleeting.


It's really hard for old people when it comes to their friends passing because they realize that soon this will happen to them. With my grandmother the hardest thing was the lose of her friends.

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