My father reading to the 7 youngest grandchildren, probably around 1994.
Last Thursday, I stopped by my parents' house after work and hung out for a bit. My brother and my niece were there. My oldest nephew was in and out. Hilarity abounded.
On Saturday, my sister Julie went to my parents' house and fixed lunch for them. My father ate like a trencherman.
On Sunday (which now seems like a thousand years ago), my sister Sarah and I met there at noon to fix lunch, hang out, and cook an extra meal for dinner that the aide could serve to them later.
My father didn't come to the table because he felt nauseated. It's not like him to refuse food.
So we took him to the emergency room. He was admitted to the hospital with a bowel obstruction.
That evening, he was transferred to the ICU because of difficulty breathing. He spiked a fever.
Do you see where this is going?
The doctors asked us, "If it becomes necessary to intubate him, do you want us to?"
Wait. SHIT. What?
We said, "Yes."
Late in the afternoon on Monday the doctors told us that Dad had developed severe sepsis, and the situation was grave. We told them that we did not want intubation, chest compressions, or any extraordinary measures.
A priest came and gave him the last rites. I watched my father make a wavering, loopy sign of the cross. This killed me dead.
They began to try and keep him comfortable with morphine, and after that he was sort of out of it.
On Tuesday morning, the family assembled. When we were all there, the nurse turned off the medications that were maintaining his heartbeat. He died about 3 or 4 minutes later.
It was 48 hours from his first symptom to his dying breath, and for that I am thankful.
But, goddamn.
Oh Mary. I am so deeply sorry. I wish I could do something real to help, but just know I'm keeping you all in my heart right now.
Posted by: Leah | March 01, 2012 at 10:02 PM
Oh I am so so sorry! Can't think of anything else remotely adequate to say!
Posted by: Maggie | March 01, 2012 at 10:48 PM
Nothing to say about something like this, other than it is a blessing he did not suffer for a long time. Praying for you, Mary,
Posted by: Karen | March 01, 2012 at 10:59 PM
This just makes my heart ache for all of you. I'm so sorry, Mary. No words to express my sadness for you at the loss of this sweet funny loving man. Hold each other tight.
Posted by: Vicki | March 01, 2012 at 11:11 PM
Mary, I am so sorry. I'm glad for him that it was fast. But so sad for you and your family. I just love you to pieces.
Posted by: Fay | March 01, 2012 at 11:29 PM
Mary, my love to you and your family. From your writing, I know your dad to be a wonderful man who leaves a wonderful legacy.
Posted by: Laura | March 01, 2012 at 11:51 PM
Oh, Mary. How incredibly sad this was to read and I send my heartfelt sympathies to you and your family.
Posted by: Belle | March 02, 2012 at 12:04 AM
Enough. Your big, loving, wonderful family has had enough pain, loss, grief and stress for two or three years -- in less than a year.
I hope there is a tiny smile in your heart when you are reminded how many hearts you have touched by sharing your family with us. Our hearts share this loss with you, as we did the last one. Wrap this cyber hug tightly around you tonight.
Posted by: Karenth | March 02, 2012 at 12:11 AM
I am so, so sorry. I lost my dad last year and don't wish that pain on anyone.
Posted by: Thumper | March 02, 2012 at 02:22 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss, and your family's loss. What a terrible time.
Posted by: Swistle | March 02, 2012 at 06:12 AM
So sorry.
Posted by: Harriet M. Welsch | March 02, 2012 at 06:43 AM
Mary, I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you all.
Posted by: Kathy | March 02, 2012 at 08:16 AM
So Sorry for your Loss.
Posted by: tammy | March 02, 2012 at 08:28 AM
I'm so sorry, Mary. Thinking of you and your family.
Posted by: Liza Lee Miller | March 02, 2012 at 08:49 AM
So sorry. You are going through such a rough time, just hang in there. And be gentle with yourself - nobody does this "right," you just do the best you can.
Posted by: Gretchen | March 02, 2012 at 09:27 AM
I'm so sorry.
All my love to you and your entire family.
Posted by: Susie Sunshine | March 02, 2012 at 09:49 AM
Oh, dear. What sad news. You've had enough sadnesses for a lifetime in just this past year. I'm so sorry for you, honey.
You've written and spoken about your dad with such love and tenderness over the years. Your thoughts were a great testament to the person he was, I'm sure.
Thanks for sharing that adorable photo. I especially liked the book title.
And your mom? How is she handling all this?
I remember when my dad died, Mom's dementia provided something of a buffer.
Thinking of you, with love.
Posted by: Anne | March 02, 2012 at 09:51 AM
Oh, honey, I am so sorry.
Posted by: Tessie | March 02, 2012 at 09:58 AM
I am so very sorry for your loss. From what you have written about him, we know your dad was a wonderful man, and that he will be sorely missed by his family. My heart is just breaking for you Mary, my thoughts are with you and your family.
Posted by: Maureen | March 02, 2012 at 12:16 PM
I'm so very sorry.
Posted by: Miz Robyn | March 02, 2012 at 01:05 PM
Mary, I am so sorry. My thoughts go out to you and your family.
Posted by: David | March 02, 2012 at 01:49 PM
SAD for those who are left to grieve.
You gave him a Great Gift by being there at the moment he left you, and was welcomed into Heaven.
We'll pray you through this.
Gentle Hug, M
Posted by: Margaret | March 02, 2012 at 02:56 PM
I am so sorry. I'm not sure what else I can add that others haven't already said.
Posted by: jean | March 02, 2012 at 04:02 PM
Sucky doesn't begin to cover your year. I'm so sorry for you and everyone else in your family.
Posted by: liz michalski | March 02, 2012 at 04:06 PM
Oh, Miz Mary.
oh.
xo
Posted by: blackbird | March 02, 2012 at 04:15 PM
Very sorry. Sigh.
Posted by: maddy | March 02, 2012 at 04:25 PM
Oh, no. I am so sorry.
Posted by: Cathy S. | March 02, 2012 at 04:47 PM
TOO fast and not enough time to prepare!! I am so sad about this and send you all my love. You know I have a dad like yours and will be devastated to lose him. There is just never enough time with the ones we love. Never.
Posted by: Margaret | March 02, 2012 at 08:54 PM
Oh honey, so sorry. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, your family, and your Mom.
Posted by: Connie | March 02, 2012 at 09:58 PM
Oh, Lord. I'm so sorry. My condolences to you and your family.
Posted by: Glenna | March 02, 2012 at 11:07 PM
really sorry for your loss.. seems you have had a lot of it lately and i hope things get better for you soon.
Posted by: kris (lower case) | March 03, 2012 at 12:06 AM
So sorry for your family's loss.
Posted by: Sally | March 03, 2012 at 02:11 AM
Oh Mary, I am so very sorry. I will be thinking of and praying for your family.
Posted by: EB | March 03, 2012 at 07:13 AM
I felt a pain in my heart reading this. There are literally no words that can capture the sadness of losing a parent. Your grief is shared by many.
Posted by: Pam J. | March 03, 2012 at 10:41 AM
My deepest condolences to you and your family. In just a few days my father will have been gone 20 years, and not a day goes by that I don't think of him. Something always reminds me. I know this will be true for you, in the very best way. Your love is what is meant by everlasting life.
Posted by: robin andrea | March 03, 2012 at 11:23 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss. He will always be in your heart.
Posted by: Bella | March 04, 2012 at 12:35 AM
So Sorry.
Posted by: Marcie | March 04, 2012 at 11:17 AM
I am so sorry.
Posted by: Dawn | March 04, 2012 at 11:57 AM
I am so very sorry.
Posted by: Jane | March 04, 2012 at 05:50 PM
Dear Mary,
You have shown your love for your family in every post you have written.
It is heartbreaking to say a final goodbye to a beloved parent but his last days were spent as we would all wish to go: surrounded by a devoted family.
My best wishes to you all at this sad time.
Posted by: Joan | March 04, 2012 at 06:08 PM
Sweet Mary...your title says it all...a hundredfold and more.
Posted by: Lorraine | March 05, 2012 at 12:49 AM
Dear Mary, Re-play a loop of your memories constantly, and smile as you bathe in their light and warmth. I thought immediately of your mom... and how this will be so hard for her. Trust your instincts and you'll know just what to do for her, and for you. Praying you peace and love, Kate
Posted by: Kate F | March 05, 2012 at 08:24 AM
Oh my, Mary. So, so sorry. Hold onto all your good memories, they will get you through the tough times. Keeping your family in my thoughts during this sad time.
Posted by: Sue | March 05, 2012 at 09:49 AM
So sorry -- how great, though, that he was surrounded by family. Oh, boy.
Posted by: Readersguide | March 05, 2012 at 02:16 PM
All I know is that he has the best family ever. I know that you will all find the right thoughts and verses for his service. I have cried all week for this sweet man, for the family that loves him still and for your mom. I cannot imagine how great her grief is as well. As always, love from me and my entire family.
Posted by: the bee | March 05, 2012 at 11:44 PM
Mary, I'm so sorry.
Posted by: Paula | March 06, 2012 at 11:13 AM
Came back and read this again, and noticed that my first comment is gone. Not that you give a rip at this point, but I do want you to know this is heartbreakingly sad. Your mom must be really bewildered. I'm glad he got his Last Rites. I don't think my Daddy did and it was important to him. Well, that's it for now.
Posted by: MsCellania | March 08, 2012 at 02:03 AM
I'm so sorry Mary, I'm thinking of you and your family. We grieve because we love, and to love is a wonderful thing.
Posted by: Hulda | March 08, 2012 at 04:38 PM
Oh Mary, I am so sorry. I felt like I knew your father through your writing, and he sounded like a delightful person I would have liked to know in person. Much sympathy to your whole family.
Posted by: Mandy | March 08, 2012 at 05:45 PM
Holy shit. I just clicked on your blog from Jane's, looking for new ones to read. I know you don't know me at all, but I am really sorry for your loss. What an awful shock. x
Posted by: Leeloo | March 09, 2012 at 07:09 AM