We put April to sleep earlier this week. Thank you for bearing with me as I sort through old photos. And thanks for all the love that a lot of you already gave me on Facebook and in emails and text messages.
She was a good dog.
This is one of the very few "baby" pictures we have of April. She and Clyde loved to roughhouse together.
16 years ago, a hungry stray female pup was plucked from the streets of Bethany Beach, Delaware. Luckily, instead of being dropped off at the local high-kill animal shelter, she was taken to South Arundel Animal Hospital by a woman named Carol, who paid for all her medical care. Carol could not keep the puppy herself, but she found a woman named Stephanie who agreed to foster the puppy until a forever family could be found.
The forever family was my family. Sasha was 9. Evangeline was 8. We answered an ad in the paper and went to visit the pup. She was cute, but we wanted to think about it before committing ourselves. We had pictured a smaller dog, something closer to the size of our westie, Clyde. The 4 of us got back in the car--the kids were so good, I don't remember them begging or fussing at all--and started to drive away.
Then Josh pulled over and turned to me.
"Let's just go back and get her," he said, with a slightly resigned air, and in the back seat the girls gasped and squealed and clutched at each other.
We named her April, because that was her approximate month of birth.
April, about 8 months old, cuddling with Clyde. We always do dogs in pairs, and Clyde and April were the best-matched pair of dogs we ever had. God, they had fun together.
April's first snow. She is about 7 months old here.
She was a funny, smart little pup. From the very beginning she adored Josh. In fact, she was always extra friendly with all men, which makes me think that some young man was very kind to her in her puppyhood.
Young April with Young Josh. The funny thing about this picture is that I can tell Josh had just been manhandling her and she was annoyed with him. She is giving him the cold shoulder--one of the many expressions in her repertoire.
April was easygoing and calm with the children and their friends. Then again, my daughters knew their way around dogs from the cradle and could always be trusted to treat a dog kindly and not scare it.
She could be quite sensitive at times. One time, Josh threw a can of pennies into the front yard where she was barking. He had read somewhere that this would break a dog of barking. The noise scared her half to death, and for years, yes, YEARS, she refused to go out in the front yard.
Her favorite foods were used tissues and my underwear.
My girls grew up with April. They haven't lived at home for years, of course, and April missed them dreadfully. Whenever they showed up at the house, she fell upon them with passionate joy as if to say, "Finally! The lost members of the pack have found their way home!" She must have thought that Josh and I were dreadfully incompetent pack leaders to let them go missing over and over again like that.
April at Great Falls, MD, age about 1. She was cute, with her shaggy face and her friendly countenance. People used to stop us and ask what kind of dog she was, or tell us that she looked like Benji, or ask if their kids could pat her. We always said yes. She was very trustworthy with children--always gentle and patient, never crowding the shy ones.
She had really pretty eyes. It looked like she had eyeliner on.
April, age about 13.
Totally trustworthy around all members of the pack, here she is meeting Sasha's kitten, Sammy, for the first time.
...and hanging out with Pushkin, who truly loved April and sought her out as a companion.
Until April was about 14, it was hard to tell that she was a senior dog. She was still bouncy and active and eager to chase squirrels. And even after that, as she lost her hearing and her arthritis began to get worse, she was in great shape until about the last 6 months.
April, about a week ago.
We put her down on Monday, July 4th. Our vet friend came here to the house. We gave her some Xanax first, but I wish we had waited longer for it to kick in. She knew something was up, and she yelped when she felt the needle stick. We patted her head and calmed her, and she went to sleep within seconds.
When an animal is not having an acute health crisis but is just sort of fading away, it's difficult to know when the time is right. We could have waited a little longer, I guess. But when I look at that picture above, I think she was off in a lonely, achy place for much of every day. I'm glad we did it when we did.
The house seems quiet and empty. I can't even imagine what it will be like after Rosie goes.
What a good girl, and a lucky dog.
Posted by: Lori | July 07, 2011 at 12:24 PM
Don't second guess your decision when to put he down. You did the right thing. It's a dreadful decision. Take care.
Posted by: David | July 07, 2011 at 01:13 PM
Thank you for sharing. April had a happy and love filled life.
Posted by: kathy | July 07, 2011 at 01:23 PM
Thanks for sharing wonderful and previously unseen photos. Always clearly expressive, that April was. She had so much to say about being part of your pack.
Helloooo to Rosie today, too.
Posted by: Karenth | July 07, 2011 at 01:35 PM
So sorry for your loss. What a nice tribute to April.
Posted by: Kiki | July 07, 2011 at 01:41 PM
Sweet, lovely April. I love her so. I'm glad she isn't lonely and achy anymore.
Posted by: Fay | July 07, 2011 at 02:17 PM
A beautiful tribute to a lovely dog. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please give Rosie a kiss for us.
Posted by: Maureen | July 07, 2011 at 02:40 PM
Oh, I'm so sorry. She had such wonderful expressive eyes, indeed. Sigh.
Posted by: Belle | July 07, 2011 at 03:28 PM
Ah man, it sucks losing a pet. What a sweet dog.
Posted by: Maggie | July 07, 2011 at 04:14 PM
I got weepy at "Sasha was 9. Evangeline was 8." I got even more weepy at the photo of the girls as children with April. And then you have my full empathy for things like waiting longer for the Xanax to kick in, and not knowing when to make The Decision. Au revoir, April.
Posted by: Swistle | July 07, 2011 at 06:55 PM
Well, I know how sad you're feeling just now. April was a wonderful dog--you were so lucky to find each other. Seeing Clyde again made me realize that the acute sadness of the present will eventually ripen into something more wistful and less painful. I'm thinking of you.
Posted by: Anne | July 07, 2011 at 07:31 PM
I;m so sorry.
Posted by: Dawn | July 07, 2011 at 08:32 PM
Hugs, my friend.
Posted by: Cazza | July 07, 2011 at 08:42 PM
Oh Mary, honey. Yes. You did the right thing. It is always hard to know. Hugs my friend. She was a happy dog in a very very good home. There was love given in both directions. What a lucky family.
Posted by: Keri | July 07, 2011 at 08:46 PM
That was a lovely and loving tribute, Mary, and I am so sorry for your loss.
Posted by: blackbird | July 07, 2011 at 09:20 PM
She was a good girl! This is a perfect picture of her life; just out of curiosity, were you sobbing as you wrote this post? Because I was crying as I read it. What a heartfelt and loving tribute. sniff
Posted by: Margaret | July 07, 2011 at 10:37 PM
i hope this makes you feel better..not worse.. i never know if these things help but i save all the 'good' ones and send the one i think is appropriate. so sorry for your loss. what a good dog.
The Last Battle
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me until the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
Author Unknown
Posted by: kris (lower case) | July 07, 2011 at 10:50 PM
Mary,
I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved April. But, I am so glad you were her forever family and April was able to love all of you as much as you loved her.
Posted by: Laura | July 08, 2011 at 12:33 AM
So sorry for the loss of your friend.
Posted by: Lea | July 08, 2011 at 04:30 AM
I'll send you an email when I can see again.
Posted by: FC | July 08, 2011 at 08:23 AM
I am so sorry. She looked and sounded like a PERFECT dog.
P.S. I love that picture of her with the two girls in the background.
Posted by: Pickles & Dimes | July 08, 2011 at 09:57 AM
Your pets were on the very short list of animals I'd consider kidnapping to keep forever.
I'm so sorry. April was a sweetheart.
Posted by: Susie Sunshine | July 08, 2011 at 10:12 AM
You absolutely did the right thing.
Love the look on Sammy's face! And oh my, Clyde was a cutie.
Posted by: Heidi | July 08, 2011 at 03:08 PM
So sorry and oh my gosh, she looked like my Cissy Lou, so close it if unbelieveable...My Cissy has been gone a year May. Miss her beautiful talking eyes. Just remember teh fun and happy times.
Posted by: tammy | July 08, 2011 at 04:29 PM
That last photo of April is so expressive. She was a good dog. I'm sorry for your loss and how difficult it must be now that she's gone. Both April and Clyde were so lucky to be a part of your family. I'm thinking of you, Mary.
Posted by: eurolush | July 08, 2011 at 08:19 PM
The picture of the girls w/ April just melted me. How lucky the pets in your home are and they are just loved so much. many people do not have this so it is great that you give your all to these pets. Still, sad and heartbreaking. xxxx--the bee
Posted by: the bee | July 08, 2011 at 11:31 PM
Sad but necessary decision. Praying your hearts are comforted.
Posted by: Margaret | July 09, 2011 at 02:47 PM
Well I am bawling and blowing my nose. Just looked down at Cody, sleeping at my feet, and yelped "You're gonna DIE some day!" he jumped up and growled like 'The hell I am!" Which made me laugh. But now I'm hot from crying.
Cody is our April. Sensitive, loving, incredible energy and compelling. He gets called 'Fancy' all the time.
I am so sorry you guys. Your pets are incredibly lucky, all of them.
How's Pushkin doing? He must be lonely, too...
Posted by: MsCellania | July 09, 2011 at 05:14 PM
A hug to you, Mary, and some Chet Baker kisses too. You did right by April. So many dogs are kept long after they have stopped having any fun. She's a beautiful girl and she had a blessed life, thanks to you.
Posted by: Julie Zickefoose | July 09, 2011 at 09:11 PM
A beautiful tribute to your sweet, much-loved April.
Posted by: robin andrea | July 10, 2011 at 10:58 AM
I am late to the wake, but wanted to say that I am so sorry. But, you did the right thing if that helps any.
Posted by: Cathy S. | July 10, 2011 at 04:54 PM
So sorry, Mary. You did the right thing, you let her die with dignity. Such a hard decision to make but, ultimately, the right one. Why can't dogs live forever? Sending good thoughts out to you, Josh and the girls.
Posted by: Sue | July 11, 2011 at 09:10 AM
Your post was a beautiful tribute to your best friend, April. I am so sorry.
Posted by: Jane | July 11, 2011 at 08:58 PM
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Posted by: Barb | July 12, 2011 at 08:42 PM
Rest in peace, sweet April. Sniff.
Posted by: Mandy | July 13, 2011 at 06:23 PM
Oh, I am so very sorry. Dogs make it so clear how fast life goes by. What a lovely tribute to her.
Posted by: liz | July 16, 2011 at 07:21 PM