There was no time for blogging in Idaho. Therefore, I am recapping my vacation for you as a series of posts with excruciating details. Lucky you!
This was the scene late Friday when Josh got home from work. He looked at me with sad eyes.
Oh, you people who know how to pack. What must that be like?
We left on Saturday morning, so technically I had THE ENTIRE week to get my act together. I have no idea what I was doing instead of packing, but there may have been a couple of naps involved. And some lying around with books. Also, visits to see my parents. And rearranging some closets, DUH. (In the Book of Mary it is written that closets must always be rearranged before a vacation.)
On Friday afternoon I sprang into action. Although, "sprang" may not be the exact verb I am looking for.
How about: On Friday afternoon I reluctantly began packing, realized my purse was ALL WRONG for travel, and went to J.C. Penney to get something more fitting. I investigated and rejected every stupid purse in the store before settling on something with which I am only medium-happy.
It's hard to be me. Really, it is.
Earlier in the week, Josh had asked me what time our flight was leaving on Saturday morning. I lazily clicked over to my email, glanced quickly at the itinerary, saw 9:25am, and reported it to Josh, then went back to whatever totally non-essential thing I was doing. Fortunately, I looked at the itinerary again on Friday night.
9:25am was when we would land on the first leg of our trip.
7:00am was our flight out of Baltimore.Which meant we had to be out the door by 5:15am.
<GIANT SADFACE EMOTICON>
Happily for Josh, he was all packed and organized and in bed by 9:30pm.
I hate him so much.
Our flights to Idaho made me realize just how little I understand about North American geography. (Yes, I am a teacher. But first grade, dudes. We don't teach geography.)
Here's what I learned: Idaho is really far away, and it takes a long-ass time to fly there.
The first--and longest--leg of our trip was from Baltimore to Denver. Unfortunately, that was also the only flight that I wasn't able to upgrade to Economy Plus, which gives you 5 extra inches. You wouldn't believe how much of a difference 5 inches makes. (I know, I know. That's what she said.)
Dudes, we were crammed onto that plane like commuters on a Tokyo subway.
Here's where I over-share. Are you ready?
That first flight was 4 hours long, and about 2 hours into it I had to pee. But I hate using airplane bathrooms, and I hate climbing over people to get in and out of my seat. You practically have to grind your ass in their faces! Gross!
I willed myself to hold it. About an hour later, I realized that I couldn't hold it, and that I had better get to the bathroom. Well, in the contortions involved with getting out of my seat and climbing over Josh and the person next to him, I wet my pants like a first grader.
Fortunately, I was wearing very absorbent clothing.
Have I ever told you about my VERY WEAK pelvic floor and the surgery that didn't fix it? (Thanks, pregnancy and childbirth!)
Oh right, I did. On a different over-sharing occasion.
It is very unlikely that I will friend you, United.
Check back tomorrow for Idaho Vay Cay Part 2. xoxo
I can totally sympathize and I have never pushed a baby out of me ever. The pee cough, pee sneeze is part of my life. See, I can over share as well. I am a terrible packer and always pack way too much underwear and never enough clothes. Or reverse that . Also I pack 12 deoderants like I am going to a land that does not sell it. Looks like you all had fun and we look forward to pics of hiking , kayaking, being w/ nature ... most of all we missed you !!! Welcome home girl !
Posted by: the bee | July 17, 2011 at 12:50 PM
DENVER???!!!??? Did I know this??? I would have waved at you from somewhere not remotely close by since security is worse than the secret pentagon out there. You are lucky you came through early. Every afternoon was thunderstorms with lightning and sometimes hail and you would have been stuck in our lovely DIA terminal for a long, long time. At which point I would have recommended the Paradise Bakery for sustenance, and not only because my son used to work there, because the sandwiches are awesome and the cookies they bake there are awesomer. That was my son's title there, baker, which made me chuckle and he has ever baked one thing at home and can barely make eggs.
Posted by: Pam L | July 17, 2011 at 02:01 PM
I pee sneeze all the time. I have to stop whatever I am doing, cross my legs and sneeze, or bad things happen. Sorry you wet them on an airplane...did you have a change of pants in your carry-on?
Posted by: laura | July 17, 2011 at 02:30 PM
No! I didn't have a change of clothes! I was perfectly willing to buy something at the Denver airport but they only had stores with fancy cowgirl skirts.
Posted by: Miz S | July 17, 2011 at 03:43 PM
I guess what I'm saying is, I stewed in my own juice.
Posted by: Miz S | July 17, 2011 at 04:06 PM
And? You have something against fancy cowgirl skirts?, I am wearing mine right now! which , by the way, it is not true, you can also buy real Crocs which USED to be made in Colorado and "one-of-a-kind jewelry, bags and objects d'art from Colorado and around the globe and For the woman who likes to travel in style, Denver Pizzazz offers fashionable picks like silk scarves, jackets, fashion accessories and handbags" and there are two bath & body shops. So you could have bought your new purse AND a silk scarf to go with it right here in Denver!
Posted by: Pam L | July 17, 2011 at 04:10 PM
Are you secretly one of those people who can only use their bathrooms at home?
Also, what are those things near the socks on your bed? Handguns?
Can't wait for Part Two!
Posted by: Anne | July 17, 2011 at 04:57 PM
Anne, I am guessing IPOD or sex toys and a charger. I like to keep things interesting because we have now forced her to answer.
Posted by: the bee | July 17, 2011 at 08:23 PM
Packing is the worst! Or maybe peeing on yourself is the worst?
Looking forward to hearing more about your trip!
Posted by: maddy | July 17, 2011 at 09:03 PM
I am highly amused by your entry and you haven't even told us about the actual vacation yet! Ha. Loved your account so far!
Posted by: Belle | July 17, 2011 at 09:23 PM
I always procrastinate on packing because I HATE making decisions. But then I buckle down.I hate airport bathrooms and flying is SO uncomfortable. Seattle to NYC is not a fun trip either, but I always go non-stop. Glad you looked at your flight time again. I double and triple check stuff like that!!
Posted by: Margaret | July 17, 2011 at 11:38 PM
You are going to wind up on the "No Fly" list if you keep pissing off United Airlines.
Posted by: FC | July 18, 2011 at 08:05 AM
Hee. FC is funny.
Looking forward to part 2 - and hoping it doesn't involve poop.
Posted by: blackbird | July 18, 2011 at 08:41 AM
I'm flying to NYC in August. I'm already stressing about my clothing. I know I'll be up all night the night before packing. I am dreading the flight. You are not alone, Mary! :)
Posted by: Liza Lee Miller | July 18, 2011 at 09:39 AM
I had to read this out loud to Roger, and we laughed and laughed. Thank you for over-sharing.
FC is really funny too!
Posted by: robin andrea | July 18, 2011 at 11:28 AM
Absence from you
Makes the heart grow fonda.
And, two words, my dear:
Mula bandha.
Posted by: bonnie | July 18, 2011 at 11:42 AM
We are going on our yearly beach vacation with my parents in TWO weeks. My mother is ALREADY packing. So I come by it honestly.
Posted by: Mizter | July 18, 2011 at 07:56 PM
OMG I totally did that on a flight from London to Toronto in 1972. Clearly we are sisters of the heart.
Posted by: Dusty | July 18, 2011 at 10:38 PM
LALALALA! TMI!
While you were frolicking just an hour and a half away from us, my honey drove past you (well, on the interstate) multiple times in the process of moving his mom into an assisted living facility in Spokane. It seems to be taking. AND? When you were in CdL, did you read about a man found expired, sitting in his car in his driveway? (Heart attack is suspected.) FIL of a friend. Can't escape those degrees of separation...
Posted by: Heidi | July 19, 2011 at 11:43 AM