Miz S

Did I Mention That My Cholesterol is 118?

At the end of my last post, I said that I would post again soon and tell you more about my physical at the doctor's office last Friday.

Why did I tell you that? What the hell else is there to tell except that I stripped naked, got poked and prodded and palpated (breast exam took about 10 seconds HA HA SMALL BOOBS JOKE), and had some blood drawn.

I tried to get the doctor interested in the fact that I am always very tiiiiiiiiiiired, but she wouldn't bite.

I pinched my belly roll and said, "Look! I'm getting fat here! Doesn't that mean I'm at risk for Type-2 Diabetes? HMMMM?"

She said mildly that my BMI was fine, but if I was concerned I could eat less and exercise more. (Right. Like THAT'S gonna work.)

I was ready to write off the entire appointment as a waste of time until she did the EKG and came up with the long QT interval that I mentioned in my last post.

And you guys were totally on point in the comments. It needs to be a vague, unfixable heart condition that won't kill me, but that I can use to get out of doing stuff. Man, if it could be enough to get me early retirement...oh that would be so sweet.

Anyway, I have an appointment at the cardiologist on Tuesday.

Oh, and my blood work is all totally normal. I am the picture of health. (If the picture of health is developing jowls, that is.)

In other news, spring break is an entire month away and I hope I don't slap anyone between now and then.  The first-grade boys are louder than ever and lately have the mistaken impression that the classroom is a playground. But they are nothing compared to some of the first grade girls, who seem to think there is a talent search going on for best  Mean Girl Drama Queen. I spend a good part of the day wearing my Mean Teacher Face.

More later when I have time.  Love you guys. xoxo.

 

Snapshot.

If only I could get Pushkin to wear a pair of glasses. Then I could have a caption like, "Get me the Purina file, would you please, Miz S?"

It was a busy week, no two ways about it. Bedbug abatement ain't for sissies. I am not going to go into very many of the details because I'll be DAMNED if this is going to turn into a bedbug blog. I will simply tell you that my parents are back in their regular apartment after a few days in a temporary dwelling. The initial treatment (heat, then chemicals) will be followed by a visual inspection and then a re-treatment and then another inspection.

God willing, we may never  have to speak of this again.

*     *     *     *     *

On Thursday evening, I got a little glimpse into what it will be like to deal with my mother as her Alzheimer's progresses. My sister and I had left the apartment after Samelia (my favorite aide) arrived. Julie had to drive back to Baltimore and I had to drive to Bethesda to pick up an inflatable mattress for Samelia to sleep on. It was late and I was sure my parents would be sound asleep when I returned at around 9pm.

Instead, I found my mother trying to pull the blankets off the bed so that she could make a bed on the floor for Samelia. Dad and Samelia couldn't make her understand that I was bringing a mattress, and she refused to change into her nightgown and get into bed because she was worried about where Samelia would sleep.

My father was so tired that he was wobbling, but he won't get into bed unless my mom is in bed, too. And my mother simply couldn't let go of this idea that she must create a pallet for Samelia on the floor.

I brought Mom out into the living room and showed her the mattress, pillow, and comforter for Samelia. Mom said, "Oh, perfect!" But by the time she had shuffled back into the bedroom to get changed, she had already forgotten about the mattress and immediately began pulling blankets and pillows off her own bed again. We repeated this scenario 3 more times until she was finally able to let it go.

It was equal parts entertaining, alarming, and sweet.

Mostly entertaining, to be perfectly honest.

Mom's language and vocabulary skills, which were impressive to begin with, are still quite strong. Her terrible short-term memory is the only sign of Alzheimer's that a non-family member might notice. That and her tendency to make every conversation circular.

She is very sweet and funny at times. Not funny on purpose--she has never had what I would call a good sense of humor (unlike my father who is delightfully amusing). But she does make me laugh sometimes. A month or two ago she was trying to explain to me that Pamela (the daytime aide) had taken them to Target to buy something. She couldn't think of the name of the store, and she said, "Oh you know, it was a large, general merchandise, unattractive sort of place."  And that was so like my mother, to find Target unattractive and distasteful, that I laughed and laughed and repeated it for days.

*     *     *     *     *

Next up -- and I swear it will be soonish -- I will tell you all about my physical on Friday and how I am A MESS with a PROLONGED QT INTERVAL (which Dr. Google has been unable to explain to me in easy-to-understand language) and am being referred to a CARDIOLOGIST.

FOR REALZ.

And you better believe I'll be playing that card at every opportunity. Ummm, no, sorry, I can't help out with [insert anything]. I have a HEART CONDITION.