Flip City!!!!!

Y'all know it's Passover, right?

My absolute favorite Jewish holiday evah!

I mean, come on!

Moses--a Jewish badass!

PHAROH--what a jerk! (Guess Moses showed him!)

Slavery! Plagues! The Angel of Death! (You do NOT want to mess with GOD!!!)  

The Book of EXODUS!!!!!

No, seriously, I am not being blasphemous. I ADORE Passover!

Strange then, that I would CREATE A SCENE at my in-law's Sedar dinner on Saturday night by crying in the middle of the service and having to leave the table and hide in the bathroom, then having to go upstairs to a bedroom because the crying, it would not go away. And it took on a life of its own.

And Josh had to follow me, because, come on, you kind of HAVE to follow your spouse when she is having a nervous breakdown.

So everyone else, downstairs, carried on with the service (exchanging quizzical glances, no doubt), dipped the parsley in the salt water, diminished the glasses of wine in remembrance of the suffering in the world, ate the moror (horseradish to the rest of y'all), sang "Dayanoo", etc etc until finally I slunk back downstairs, eyes swollen beyond recognition, and took my place at the table as though nothing had happened.

Apparently I cannot handle all this SHIT with my parents. It's not the day-to-day stuff so much as the paradigm shift in generational roles do you feel me?

Oh, and scratch everything I said in my last post about how my dad is all better, because he's not.

Oh, and: extra embarrassing: Sasha's Paul and Evangeline's Nate were there at Passover for the first time. They are probably afraid of me now.

Comments

[kris (lower case)]

ah the hormone fluctuations of near menopause ... almost as bad as being an angst ridden teen again.... as for the boyfriends fearing you...probably a good thing really... a little healthy fear in men is always a good thing...

[vicki]

Mary, Mary. When I read this I'M a little afraid of you. But then I scare myself in the same way sometimes so I'm sure it's nothing but life weepies. The good news is apparently Josh is not afraid of you. Take care.

[Margaret]

It's overwhelming, what you're going through and sometimes it hits at unfortunate times. Hang in there! My MIL is in her home, but not doing very well, so we have to decide what to do. It should get pretty unpleasant.

[Dusty]

I am sorry about your father, this must be an incredibly stressful time for you. I don't cry easily, I've always envied people who cry when it is appropriate to cry and frankly, this seems like as good a time as any.

[Cazza]

Sheet, Mary. Maybe it's time to stop being supermary. Hmmm?

I wish I could pick up the phone and speak with you.

Better still. I wish I could sit down with you and share a good bottle of wine and some amazing Oz cuisine.

One day, hey?

[The Coffee Lady]

If this happens again, you need black eyeliner - lots of it - so you can emerge looking like a terrifyingly emotional aged goth.

[Kathryn]

It's amazing to me that you post between the hours of 10pm and 6am (when I am asleeeeep).

Anyway, the boyfriends are certainly not afraid of you. But if they're as sweet as you have made them out to be, I'm sure they're concerned for you. Times are hard, you're a softy, I'm sure they understand.

I'm sorry about what's going on with your dad (whatever it is). My dad is young (56) and kicking, and I am tearing up right now just thinking about the time when I'll have to be there for him instead of him here for me. Life is hard. We deserve to cry whenever we need to.

[Cathy S.]

I think perhaps all this stuff you have been stuffing came out in a time when you knew the people around you loved you and could take it and when it was a comfortable and familiar time. Give yourself freedom to grieve even if it doesn't seem to be the right moment to do so. After all, Passover is the time to remember how much God has done, how big He is and how powerful He is. Take comfort in that and don't fear. But, it is okay for boyfriends to fear. You will after all be their mother in law someday and you will rule! Though I know you will be a benevolent ruler!

[Anne]

All right, Coffee Lady's comment was too funny! I'm picturing a scene right out of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane!

I've also got the tune Sunrise, Sunset running through my head.

I think it's the feeling of total helplessness that brings on the stress and strain. It's the inevitable March of Time that's steamrolling over all of us--some sooner than others. It's hard to watch your parents get flattened. Oh, sure, maybe things improve, or even stay steady, for a time, but it's always one-step-forward and two-steps-back in old age, I guess. And the up-and-down nature of the process is so difficult to endure!

I feel so sorry for you, Mary. You're doing everything you can for the folks. Don't neglect yourself.

[Pam L]

While not at the actual Sedar table, I am right there with in the parent/child shift. My Dad is now the Memory Care unit bully and we make decisions for him as if he were an errant school kid because he can't control much anymore and it makes him mad. He will likely be shown the door there soon and go to a full on nursing home, which he will hate. My sister wants to write a letter to herself in case she gets like this but, if she's like my Dad, she won't believe she wrote it anyway and claim everyone is plotting against her. You must cut yourself some slack and realize you can't stop or change this and you're doing the best you can.

[Marcie]

I lost my mom a year ago and I've been horribly depressed during the holidays. Once near Thanksgiving in the grocery store with a cart full of groceries. Couldn't stop. I'm sorry. I know it's hard.

[Belle]

I feel for you and I understand. I wrote a bunch more but then deleted it because only you know how your folks' situation is really affecting you and your family.

But I understand. Cry away! Sometimes it is what keeps us sane. I hope. :)

[MsCellania]

Aw, Mary - grief grabs us by the throat at different times. And believe it or not, your family and Josh's family understands. I think they would feel you were heartless (or witless) if you DIDN'T get emotional.

Earlier this year, I started sobbing doing the Friday folders in Ryan's classroom after a particularly sweet 2nd grade music performance that my dad missed because HE DIED LAST MAY! It just hit me and I had to run out of there. Unfortunately, I went howling through a 6-classroom pod, with Ms. Bobbi, special needs para, running after me. I told her, she told the 3 classrooms affected, and there was a big hug-fest a half hour later when I'd composed myself and returned to the pod. Turns out more than a few of those children had lost their grandpas or grandmas and they knew all about crying moms and dads and how grief pops out at different times. I was so touched that the teachers let those little ones out of the classroom to come give me a hug. Of course, I started crying again, but it wasn't the god-awful blubbering and howling. Oy.

Why did I highjack your blog and tell you this?! Oh yes - to tell you that OF COURSE YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE IT. What you are going through is a million times harder than having a parent drop dead unexpectedly.

[Maggie]

Oh the aging parent thing is the gift that keeps on giving. I'm sure everyone at the Sedar understands it's tough.

But then I'm about to cry over breaking a nail or something similarly ridiculous because my kids are conspiring to ensure I haven't been well rested for days so everything just seems so much less manageable than it is. I think a good cry would help me considerably (will have to wait until after work though as I have a strict no crying at work policy). So I think crying it out sometimes helps.

[Sue]

Hope the future son-in-laws aren't afraid of you. That happened to me in church on Christmas Eve, the year my father suffered two heart attacks. During Silent Night, the tears just would not stop! I was holding a lit candle and tried to wipe my face and got hot wax on my eyelashes. My husband was like "What is wrong with you??!!" and I just had to walk out. I could not stop! That was 28 years ago and I don't think anyone from church is still afraid of me.

[Swistle]

My mom loves Passover too. She used to teach a unit on it at school just so she could do a Passover. She says she wishes she could be Jewish so she could do it legitimately.

I've been thinking lately that it would be great if my parents would die accidentally in a car crash together, harming no one else, jussssst at the point when they were starting to Lose It, right after a nice family dinner. I used to fantasize about boys I wanted to date.

[eurolush]

Why does CL have to be so witty? I hate her.

Mary, I think you're being too hard on yourself. My dad is 81 and if I even START to think of losing him, I begin openly bawling, hiccupping and gasping for breath. (Best not to mention the snotty nose...)

You are incredibly strong...blubbering or no. Hang in there.

You're my hero.

[blackbird]

There there, you delicate little thing. You could certainly blame your puffy eyes on the Plight Of The Jews. (I think.)
It's bound to catch up with you - and Josh could, or you could explain that you are going through a difficult time right now and need some, um, SPACE. Or, perhaps some non-kosher wine (nothing worse).

[Gretchen]

It's such a huge transition and there's just no way to prepare for it. Be kind to yourself. We just went through this in a very condensed form - my dad ended up in the hospital in early December, we talked about assisted living but it shortly became clear he would need a nursing home instead, and he passed away at the end of January. I swear I don't know how you can write about it at all because I could barely type that. God bless.

[Ree]

Blame it on the wine.

and hugs. Lots of hugs to you.

[Gail]

Oh Mary, I am so sorry to things aren't going well. Don't worry, no one is afraid of you and they know the stress you are feeling.

[Liza Lee Miller]

Poor bebe! Sounds just dreadful. Hope you're feeling better. If the boys are scared of you, they should meet me!

[FC]

Up until today, I thought Sedar was spelled Saytr. I was texting my Jewish teacher girl buddy, trying to show my cultural knowledge by asking her, "Are you having brisket for Saytr dinner."

So ... I pretty much bombed that.

Apparently they are two different things.

Sorry for your stress levels, but relieved you know how to let it out.
It's good for ya.

[maddy]

Mary, that's tough. I'm sure everyone understands the stress you are under. Your sense of humor is still intact, though. ;) Hang in there.

[Dani]

((hugs)) It's ok to be sad Mary. It's ok to cry. Sometimes life gives us no other choice. Know that we're all here thinking of you and hoping for the best.

[Karenth]

Always the teacher, huh? Here's the tiny little bright spot: your girls and their guys have a memory to tuck away for the future. This will hurt someday, but Mary and Josh did it before us and we will do it someday, and we will all be part of the circle. Share your joys AND your sorrows, Mary.

[the bee]

I love Passover also. With a new Jewish sister and law and brother in law on the way, I have studied up. I think with all you have gone through with your parents it would be shocking if you did not break down. Anyone would. Paul and Nate have known you forever and I am sure they are fine. Also, on a personal note, I love drama at family events. What else is there? Mom telling stories filled w/ bitterness cannot round out all of my parties.Someone else needs to step up in my house this Easter, I will keep you posted.

[Keri]

(Tucking the eyeliner idea into my brain for future use...)

Big hugs, friend.

[Readersguide]

Oh dear. I do like the eyeliner idea.

[Karenth]

Happy Easter, Mary. Thinking of your family this week.

[Heidi]

Oh, so sorry. Sending lovely wine energy. Or macaroon energy, maybe. Something that will take the edge off.

[Karen]

I know it is a hard thing to deal with. I'm with you on that. My parents started failing several years ago. They could no longer live by themselves, so we moved them into a small apartment within my sister's house. My mom passed away on Feb. 23, 2010, and it wasn't really expected (I mean we didn't realize that she was that ill)and it has been harder than anything I have ever experienced, so I can totally relate to the falling apart business....been there and done that...and people totally understand. Just hang in there, daughter, they need you.

[Mandy]

Aw, hell. I'm such a crybaby, I teared up reading about you crying! Have some tootsie rolls.