And Then We Went Out For Sushi and Ordered TWO Bottles of Sake.

So. You guys remember that I have a special friend at my school, right?  The Small Brother? A while ago, little Tony asked me for my phone number. I gave him my cell phone number, mostly because I didn't really know why he was asking me. Maybe there was a reason why he wanted to be able to reach me.

I've given my number to kids before. Usually they instantly lose it. Not my Tony. Within 24 hours he had committed my number to memory. I would pass him in the hall and he would say, "Miz S! I know your phone number! It's twenty-five, thirty-three five, three seven, fifty-six four. It made me laugh, the way he had memorized it in some strange string that made sense to him but was completely confusing to me.

Whenever he sees me he says, "Can I call you today?" Usually I say yes but sometimes I say no because I know I'm going to be in a meeting or busy or CRANKY.

So,  he calls me a few times a week and a couple times on the weekend. I ask him what he's doing and I tell him what I'm doing. We talk for a minute or two. Sometimes he puts one of his brothers or sisters on to say hi. 

The first time that I said, "Okay sweetie, I'll talk to you later" he was confused. "Do you mean I should call you again tonight?" he asked.

"No, honey, it's an expression, it means I'll talk to you the next day."

"So...I should call you in the morning?"

"No, it's an idiom...oh never mind. Sure. Call me in the morning."

Now I am careful to say, "I'll talk to you when I see you at school tomorrow."

Last Friday he called me at around 7pm. We talked for a couple of minutes. He sounded a little off. I asked him what his family was going to do on Saturday and he said that they were going to go to Safeway.

Then he told me that they weren't going to have dinner that night because they didn't have any food.

No. Food.

I tried to talk him out of his story. "You must have something in your kitchen. Some cereal or something, right?"

"Nope. No food at all. I am not lying."

I told him to call me the next day, and then I got off the phone and tried to figure out what to do. Should I go pick up some groceries and go over there? Should I order some pizza and take it over?

I mean, I know it sounds like a no-brainer and some of you must be shaking your heads. But it's a little more complicated than it may seem. Would Tony get in trouble if his mother knew he had told me this? Would his mother feel humiliated if she knew that I knew?

I knew not what to do.

So I called the parent coordinator lady-person who works at my school. She has experience with this type of situation.

We talked for about half an hour about what to do. She said that she could fix this on Monday. She would get his family in the "Backpack Program," where food for the weekend is sent home in the child's backpack on Friday. She said he would be okay going without dinner for one night. She said, "Honestly? It's not that unusual. It's fucked up, but it's not unusual."

I spent the rest of the evening feeling a little off myself. I'm not naive. I know that hunger exists even here. But it's one thing knowing that it exists and another thing having an 8-year-old call you and tell you that he won't eat until the next day.

Comments

[Vanessa]

I can't stand this.

We have a backpack program like that at the Central Missouri Food Bank and it really helps. I'm on their mailing list and at Christmastime I got a letter with a story about a little boy who didn't eat the food in the backpack one weekend because he was going to save it for Christmas break, because it was two weeks he'd have to go without food. This breaks my heart.

[Kathryn]

Oh, the heart wrenching. You did the right thing, Mary. I'm sure that little boy is so blessed to have a teacher like you.

Also, sake is totally the thing to do after a phone call like that.

[Xila]

Man! Now I feel like Marie Antoinette. That IS hard to believe that it's happening right around the corner and in such an affluent County. I hope he gets on that program.

[Pam L]

I understand how it would be hard to decide what to do. I would probably try to figure out if sending a pizza, or two, anonymously was possible or maybe do a food drop off drive-by, you know leave it at the door and disappear if you could, but , I know it's not that simple, and it's such a temporary band-aid type thing to do. Not once in my life have I not had SOME type of food in my house, or couldn't go and get some right away if I wanted it.

[the bee]

I cannot stop crying over this. It is for this reason that my entire family gives to Feed The Children. They really help a lot of people on the edge. I am glad you have helped him get some food into the home. Thank God for teachers like you that care. The sad part is that there are so many like him.
Let me know if I can send something to him and the family.
I would love to do something.

[Liza Lee Miller]

Pardon me while I go cry for a few minutes. You totally came up with the right solution but it is heartbreaking. I know it happens at our school too -- and it's simply heartbreaking. :(

[Kimberly]

Ugh. I would have been a wreck. So glad you caught this so it is hopefully (I know, I'm a dreamer) the LAST time it happens. One thing is for sure - it's not fucking fair.

[maddy]

That's tough...knowing too much, almost. Glad the backpack program is there. Sigh.

[blackbird]

Oof. No easy answers - I'm glad he has you.

[Belle]

I couldn't even comment until this morning because this just makes me so mad and sad and frustrated. Thank you, Mary, for listening to him and trying to do something. My God, I probably have enough stuff in the pantry to feed his entire family and all I do is push it aside to get to what I really want. Aargh. Hunger doesn't even enter into my vocabulary and that family must think of it first and foremost.

Damn.

[Paula]

Sob. Sniffle, sniffle.
You did exactly the right thing.

[Jen @ The Cubicle's Backporch]

I have never heard of a backpack program, but I think it's a great idea.

I would be torn like you were... it's a tough line between helping and hurting someone's pride.

If something like that happens again, you could get a box of food together and drop it off on their doorstep. That way they don't know where it came from and no harm is done.

My heart goes out to your little friend. I admire what a great teacher you are.

[Glenna]

Oh, good Lord. I'm speechless. I have never heard of the backpack program. It makes me feel a little shallow with my stuffed-full pantry and the containers of leftovers we don't feel like eating.

[Glenna]

Hmmm. Could he manage one of those Giant Food or Shoppers prepaid gift cards? Easier to slip to him than bringing a load of groceries or sending pizza.

And I expect it's a whole lot more complicated than just offering a few meals. It'll be an ongoing problem, I expect, and what about summers. And there must potentially be lots of students in that situation, so where does helping become crossing over the line and meddling.

[Gretchen]

That is messed up. It would have driven me crazy and honestly, I don't even care that much about people most of the time. I'm afraid I would have ordered a couple of pizzas and had them delivered to the house, but I realize that's not necessarily right. Good for you for using your teacher resources. I have been out of work and broke but I don't think I've ever had to miss a meal unless I just skipped lunch. I am much luckier than I realize most days.

[Maggie]

This breaks my heart. I know what you mean about the difficulty with helping - you don't want him to get in trouble for telling you and just dropping of anonymous food means it might not get used. I hate to say it, but in this day and age there is no guarantee they would eat food of unknown origins. But to know he has nothing to eat - ugh. You did the right thing and now I need to go make a donation to Feed the Children.

[Heidi]

You have a big heart, Miz S. And the parent coordinator lady-person? I don't have the emotional makeup to deal with lord-knows-what she deals with. That would be one tough job.

[neca]

Like everyone else, I got teary reading this. Then I went onto our local Second harvest's web site to find out what I could do locally. Yes, I donate money, but I can do more. This post was the nudge I needed.

[Celestial]

Tough situation. I'm glad you resisted the urge to drop off food. It is a little more than pride and anger as you mentioned (and I'm sure you know - but more for fellow commenters).

I remember growing up with situations like this, and it would have killed my parents to know that someone else knew, let alone helped. Or rather their pride on behalf of the us (the children). Although eligble for free lunches, etc. we never partook due to the stigma of other children knowing/noticing, and as we got older, grew into not asking other families for rides from practice, etc. as that was asking for help. Worked wonderfully then, because it is not until looking back that I see how poor we really were. Instead of being frustrated with eating ground beef for five meals straight in different forms, I remember the arguments about how Jane could ask for a ride, but I couldn't, and how other families gave to the food drive, but why we didn't. Not that there wasn't a spare can of food in the cabinet in the first place!

The backpack program sounds perfect!

[Laura/DaPFG]

damn. that's messed up.

i started doing the Compassion thing, and my girl is in Haiti, and the day i picked my packet up from the mailbox, i thought "why Haiti?? why am i not doing something for people HERE?", but then i realized that she's just a kid, too. and if the funds are misappropriated, then it's between those folks and God. ya know?

nevermind. i'm being so random. <3 you're so good.

[Dusty]

That is so sad. You are a thoughtful and compassionate person.

[Dusty]

Ok, its more than sad. But I'll spare you the rant.

[Gail]

I don't know what I would do. I would feel so torn between not wanting to embarrass the family and wanting to try and 'surprise' them with pizza. He is so lucky to have a person like you to help watch over him. I don't know if it takes a village to raise a child but it does take people who stop, listen and care.

[MsCellania]

Gosh, wouldn't it be great if we could quit violently telling the people in Iraq how to live, and help people right here live better?! (But dammit, they don't have oil under their toes like the Iraq folks do.)

We have something here called Community Food Share. They pick up leftovers from restaurants, grocery stores, farms and other places; they have food drives to get long shelf life food and offer easy distribution for those needing food. www.communityfoodshare.org This organization not only helps those who need it, it helps to keep food from being wasted. Is there something like that in your community that your coordinator person could introduce your little fellow's family to as a longer-term solution? I'm thinking over the summer - the coordinator can't slip food into his backpack...

I can't imagine the feeling of being unable to put food on the table for my child. Just makes me so sad to think of what the recession is doing to families on the brink. You will see more of this, sad to say.

Thank God for you, Mary. You may get pissed at teaching at times, but you are a Godsend in many, many ways for your little students.

[Margaret]

I am very sad thinking of this and other things that go on in our students' homes. There is so much that we take for granted. I'm glad that you got involved, Mary. You're a very good person.

[Margaret]

Heart wrenching.

I was also thinking of a community food source for this little one and his family. Perhaps the coordinator could do a search on his area and see if there are any churches or other places that have a food pantry.

You are a Gift from God to these students,

Margaret

[Keri]

She-it. Thank goodness for the backpack program. And thank goodness that he has your phone number so he can call and chat with you. You are a sweetheart. And I'm sitting here burping on my over-consumed dinner. And hell yes what are we doing spending all of that money on that damn war? This just breaks my heart.