I Will Snatch You Bald-Headed.

Liza Lee's advice was awesome and she is my official go-to person now for handling sticky situations. Unfortunately, by the time she left her comment I had already bumbled my way through the confrontation.

TIMING, PEOPLE. IT'S ALL ABOUT TIMING.

Truth be told, it went very well. I dressed with particular care in the morning so that she would take me seriously. A skirt, a nice top, and really cute Madden Girl red high heels.  This lady is 5'10 and I didn't want to have to look up at her. (The blister on my pinky toe by noon was totally worth it.)

I realized as I started to talk to her that I didn't feel intimidated at all. I don't like her, I don't give a shit what she thinks about me, and it's fucked up to call a 7-year-old stupid.

The conversation went something like this.

Me: I have a concern about Estefania that I wanted to discuss with you. She came back from math feeling upset, and she told me that the unit test was too hard and she felt stupid.

Mean Teacher: She feels it's too hard when she's being challenged?

Me: I've never observed that with her in the past. Also, she said that you said she is stupid.

Mean Teacher: That never happened.

Me: Well, I thought you would want to know what she told me.

 

And that was pretty much that. I did not mention the fact that another child had verified the story because I didn't want to back her into a corner. I think it's enough that she knows I am listening and watching.

 

Her denial was so flat and so quick that I knew instantly she really had called the kids stupid.

Anyway, I felt victorious and proud all day because I had done something that was really hard for me to do. And it turns out that I can do it and it wasn't even that difficult. It felt good to be direct and calm.

I have been such a wimp my entire life. But now that I have tasted blood I will be ALL UP IN YOUR FACE if you piss me off. Ha! Kidding! Don't hurt me!

Thanks for all the advice and support, you guys. I hope everyone has a fun weekend.

 

Comments

[vicki]

I was watching for the outcome of this one. You handled it so well and simultaneously with such restraint- I admire that. I can't stand it when adults, especially teachers and parents, start calling little children stupid. My dad, who was way too young and way too fresh out of the army/war and way too close to his own stern and harsh upbringing, called me stupid a lot- enough so that I believe it was almost thoughtless habit on his part, whenever he was annoyed or frustrated. So, perhaps this teacher has fallen into the habit of demeaning her young charges and the mere fact that you called her out on it will get her to stop and think before she speaks. If not, or if it merely reroutes her name-calling, by all means, snatch her bald-headed. Good job, Mary.

[Pam L]

SO, did you get the sense that she knows you know she really said it, or at least "oh shit" I'd better knock this off? Cuz we're all about finality and happy endings here. I would guess it will be a while before she slips again, or maybe she'll only do it with another class. You're right, her quick and flat denial means she's heard this before. An innocent teacher would have been taken aback that such an accusation was made and would be not so quick and would be somewhat concerned, confused about the whole thing. She probably thinks because they are so young , no one will believe the students she picks on. She really is in the wrong field.

[Glenna]

Good for you! I was kind of holding my breath, hoping for the best. I feel the same way about confrontations--have to screw up the courage, not because someone won't like me really--I'm at an age where I really don't care about that--but more that I worry about publicly losing it and crying and looking like an idiot. Or being wrong! I've met some teachers like her in my day, and I really don't understand why they don't leave the schools and come to their true calling: HR professionals in a large corporation.

[Laura/DaPFG]

first of all, LOVE the high heel factor. secondly, love the RED high heel factor. thirdly, you kicked much needed ass.

i hope the teacher isn't extra hard on E. now, but instead realizes you WILL break one of those purty shoes off in her behind if you hear of that again.

[Keri]

*cheers and whistles and stomps feet and claps like a big ass crowd in the metrodome*

*stops and realizes that above statement sounds like crowd has big asses*

*cheers and whistles and stomps feet and claps like HUGE crowd in the metrodome*

*wonders if this is really any better...*

*hopes you get my drift...*

Aw fek it, Mary. I'm damn proud of you and nearly weeping over here.

[Liza Lee Miller]

Yay! I'm so glad it went well! You rock. I think your approach -- right down to the pinkie toe blister -- was perfect. You let her know that you were on to her ways. Hopefully, she'll change her ways.

Life is too short to be that mean to kids. That word -- stupid -- is one of my pet peeves anyway. I've taught my own kids that situations can be stupid but people are not. They know that if I say someone is stupid, I am REALLY angry and unimpressed with them. And, I gotta say. That other teacher woman . . . she's stupid. :)

You are awesome! Estefania is lucky to have you!

[Paula]

You rawk, Miz S!

Hee Hee, high heels! I did the same thing when I had to meet with my son's high school (nasty, Napoleanic and power-starved) dean. When the dean came to get my husband and I, we were sitting. We stood, and as we stood we kept getting taller (my husband is 6'2"; with my shoes I probably clocked about 5'9", not towering by any means). The dean looked UP at us and sighed. I maintain that a significant part of the dean's issues with my son (who's about 6'1") was his height -- had nothing to do with his rarely going to class or smoking in the parking lot or not turning in assignments ... nah. Hey! I should've stood on my denial! I would've been even taller!

[Heidi]

Yay, Ms. S, Protector of Kidlings!

Hmmm... My shortness has never kept me from speaking my mind if it needed to be spoke. I'd have to stand on an orange crate to reach that height, and carrying one of those around is just too inconvenient. That, and it makes people laugh, and really, who is going to take a person standing on an orange crate seriously?

[paula]

Ha! You really will be all up in peoples faces now.

I've seen a bumper sticker that says 'speak the truth even if your voice shakes' but I don't think your voice will shake again after this...

You did good.

[Gretchen]

You know, everybody hates those confrontations and wants to pretend the situation will just go away. You did better than most people would have just by going through with it. Good for you!

[Maggie]

Nicely done! Especially the red high heels!

[Ree]

Excellent! Sometimes knowing that there's a "watcher" works wonders.

[Margaret]

Great job--you are woman, hear you ROAR!! I'm proud of you for doing something uncomfortable for the sake of the children. Maybe the teacher will tone it down now that she knows that kids are telling others about her insults.

[readersguide]

Good job! Sounds like you handled it exactly right.

[Kimberly]

I know I am all late but I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!! You have balls woman...and what's better than that is you used them well. Good work.

[Hope]

You go girl! Nice touch with the red shoes and a back up plan could have been to kick her with them. I wonder if my pink shoes would make me fierce.

[Angie]

Oh, hell yeah! I knew you would do it and do it good. Yayy, YOU! You, the defender of small children and animals. I am sooo proud of you!

[MsCellania]

Dammit I am too late to the GO MARY fest.
I love the ass-kickin red heels.
You did exactly what you should've.

[Gail]

Way to go! You were calm and assertive.

[Mrs. S]

You are so awesome it blows my mind - SERIOUSLY. You actually made me giggle out loud, and that doesn't happen.

I think I'm like you - I'm all "rawr, I could so kill that bitch!" to myslf or my friends, but then when sometimes comes down to me having the opportunity to do/say something, I'm all polite and respectful and cursing myself for not being the bitch I know I can be, ya know? Bah. Being female sucks sometimes. If we were men, we'd just walk up and punch them in the face and be buddies again the next day!

[maddy]

I'm late to the party, but GOOD JOB. I don't like confrontation either, but sometimes you have to go for it. It's easier when it's on a child's behalf, I'm sure. Almost all the teachers at my son's school are fab, but there is one (not a classroom teacher, but a special subjects teacher) who truly dislikes children. We had an incident once that involved confronting her. Anyway, so glad it went well.

[Kathryn]

I miss you! Where did you go?