The Small Brother.

Tony is the small brother of Oscar. He was in my class last year, the year after I had Oscar. Like Oscar, he is friendly, polite, and genuinely good. But where Oscar is serious and focused on his work, Tony sometimes seems distracted and a little wistful. He can also be very smooth and charming with his teachers, with a little bit of the that's-a-lovely-dress-you're-wearing-ma'am thing going on. A tiny, bilingual Eddie Haskell with red highlights in his black, black hair.

He is a very religious little boy. He brings up God and heaven and hell a lot. He calls hell "that place down there, I don't want to say the word," and he says it all in one breathless rush. He carries a bible in his backpack. He showed it to me recently and said, "Look! I have a Holly Bible. I don't know why they call it the 'Holly'  bible."

I told him that that was a tricky word and the way that we say it is "holy."  (But you can bet your sweet ass that I will be calling it the Holly Bible from now on.)

Here is a short list of things that Tony has given me lately:

• A book of inspirational bible quotes and psalms called "Promises to You."  On the inside, it is carefully inscribed to me and signed by Tony and Oscar.
• A tiny plastic Disney Snow White digital watch
• A costume jewelry ring from his little sister Samantha.
• a purple and white plastic cat that looks like it came from one of those My Little Pet Shop sets.

Tony is in second grade now. He eats lunch with me in my room every Thursday. I asked to be assigned to him as part of a mentor program at our school where children who need a little extra nurturing are matched up with staff members who commit to a once-a-week date for conversation and games or whatever. 

I'm not going to lie to you; it's a pain in the ass to go downstairs and get him and bring him back upstairs and sit down and eat when I really need to be getting ready for math or planning my guided reading for the next day or trying to dig through the mountain of paper that has accumulated on my desk.  But in the end,  I am always happy that I spent time with him. He is a funny little thing.

When Tony's mother became pregnant about half-way through Tony's first-grade year, he became a little quiet, a little lost in thought. It was a big secret and source of upset in the family.  He swore me to secrecy. "My mother says she has too much babies! Aaaaaaah!"  And he would slap his forehead in an exaggerated expression of dismay at his mother's blunder.

Tony is a chatterbox. He speaks fast and breathlessly.  He is very focused on obstetrics since the new baby brother was born. He regales me over tater tots and grilled cheese sandwiches with all kinds of details about every single one of his mother's pregnancies AND her 2 miscarriages. "Selena, Oscar and Samantha were easy to get out. Me and Ronald and Jonathon were hard to get out. But at least they didn't have to cut her stomach open."

A brief pause while he chews and swallows and then, “When you had Sasha and Evangeline, did it hurt? Did you have to get that shot in your back?”

I half expect him to discuss the merits of episiotomies with me, or weigh in on the VBAC question.

Tony's stepfather is a dick, apparently. Tony reports to me that the stepfather hits Tony's mom, and even choked her when she was pregnant. One of the things that they fight about is the girl that the stepfather meets in the park. (Either Tony's mom tells him everything, or he is really good at eavesdropping. I haven't been able to figure out which it is.)

The dicky stepfather does not hit Tony or Oscar, as far as I have been able to ascertain.

Last year, Tony always told me that he didn't have any friends. And sure enough, I saw that on the playground he was never in one of the big soccer games or in one of the groups of boys that were running around together. He was jumping rope all by himself, or playing with a couple of the girls. This year, I notice that he still doesn't join in the playground soccer games, but he at least is walking around talking to a boy.  I stopped by a window to watch him the other day. He was deep in conversation with Luis (another friend of mine from last year). They walked slowly together by the fence. Little Tony with his red highlights glinting in the sun, chattering away and gesturing with his hands, Luis nodding thoughtfully. (I wondered if Tony were explaining the stages of labor. “Then, eww this is gross, the cervix begins to dilate…”) I hope this friendship with Luis means that he is a little happier than he was last year.

*   *   *   *

And that is my snapshot for you of Tony, small brother of Oscar. Two children that I hope will not be left behind.

Comments

[raehan]

Oy.

This reminded of a poem by william Blake and I've spent the last half hour googling and reading William Blake poems but they didn't seem to fit exactly.

But heck, your post of like a poem all in itself, isn't it?

Anywhere, here's a nice William Blake poem that I found, and even it it doesn't fit, it's nice, isn't it?

http://www.everypoet.com/Archive/Poetry/william_blake/william_blake_songs_of_innocence_on_anothers_sorrow.htm

[Margaret]

The Holly Bible--I love that! We don't discuss that around our house because it can cause some issues. Already tonight we had a big emotional blow-out about religion with Younger Daughter ARGGGH. By the way, what happened to Sasha and Evangeline?

[the bee]

Tears in my eyes at the incredible pictures you paint with words.
I am sure those Thursday lunches are special to him . I pray he gets some more little friends. They both sound adorable.
To have grilled cheese , tator tots and a cute boy to share lunch with is more than anyone could ever want. The paperwork sadly will always be there.

[Cazza]

And when he's grown he will remember the special teacher who had lunch dates with him. And how, for those precious hours, the unpleasant parts of his life receded. Even if he didn't realise that they were unpleasant.

Holly Bible. Almost Pythonesque.

[blackbird]

Oldest was mentored in first grade - it made an enormous difference in his life and he talks about it to this day...
I'm so glad Tony has you.

We attended a Christian church service yesterday and Youngest was overwhelmed with the sins and giving our hearts to Jesus parts of the ceremony. Suddenly, all our Unitarian work made some sense to us and him.

[Liza Lee Miller]

Lovely, MizS. What a lovely portrait of that boy -- both the picture and the words. I think you are both lucky to have each other!

[Paula]

My daughter and I heard Eddie Izzard call the Bible the "Bibb-lee" and now that is what it is in our house. However, the Holly Bibblee is even better!

[bonnie]

Obviously, Tony was not a blunder.

[Keri aka KinnicChick]

Oh my. What a wonderful picture you paint. And what a beautiful boy in all ways. If only he can stay this way and not let the problems of his little boy life (dicky stepfather, for example) change him. I like to think that these kinds of wonderful interactions with the people who care (YOU) will help him hold on to his wonderfulness.

Thank you for caring.

[Maddy]

Aw, what sweet gifts he has given you.

I was shocked when I learned my husband didn't know his "birth story." I knew all about how I was born AND also about my brother and my sister. How labor started, how long it took to get to the hospital, etc. Also, my mother's two miscarriages long before I was born. I'm not sure I knew it in the early grades, but whatever. I thought every family had these detailed discussions.

Hope that things turn out ok for the family.

[readersguide]

Oh, but I am still worried about Oscar! Why doesn't he like school anymore? I think you should fine out and let us know --

[Gail]

As long as he has caring and loving (like you) in his life, he will not be left behind, or feel left out. **hugs**

Holly Bible, what a gem!

[Heidi]

It's so interesting to think about teachers who really made a difference in my life. You're that person to Tony.

[Angie]

Mary, someone is bound to offer you a book deal.

[sulu-design]

God, woman! You pull me back and forth between wanting like hell to return to the classroom and thanking my lucky stars that I left it. I am so glad to have your posts to remind me of my experiences - it seems at times like we have had almost identical experiences.
I hope you two enjoyed your lunch today.

[LisaL]

I'm catching up on some of your archives, but I had to stop and say I wish I could take Tony home and feed him cookies and give him a good squeeze. What a sweetheart! And "Holly Bible" is SO adorable that I'm smiling and tearing up at the same time. (Hormonal mood swings, me? Naaaaaaaaaah.)